Here’s the thing
I’m not afraid to look anymore
for better or worse, I stopped running from my feeling

Things aren’t always what I want them to be and I can finally, for the first time in my life.. look at a feeling and say No.. I don’t want that. Or a good feeling and say, yes I’m enjoying this and I will bask in it.

I allow myself to enjoy my feelings. I don’t run and hide from my feelings whether they are good or bad. I feel so much more confident about myself and respect myself so much more.

I see things from some demanding respect or ‘commanding’ or something and it seems so.. not yin. It is okay for others but that’s not the way I feel works for me.

I’m finally in a place where I’m okay with gentle, tender, vulnerable, soul bearing. I’m okay with soothing, loving, warmth.

I revel in feeling every feeling and enjoying the moments that come to me, whether by myself or with others. Sometimes it’s still scary, to be that open, but the benefits far outweigh the scariness.

There is a richness to both experiences. I wish I knew words to describe how I got here because then I could help everyone know this feeling.

This love that I never knew I had inside myself was truly always there and just waiting for me to discover it.

As Don Miguel Ruiz says, love is all around us, if only we have the eyes to see it. A mirage, mitote, covering us, convinces us that everything is outside of us, when it’s the total opposite.

There was no way around it. No way to bargain with the universe, if you just give me my soul mate, if you just give me a raise, a perfect life, the best well behaved kid, wonderful friends and support, THEN I’ll believe you universe, that amazing things can happen.

No, the exact opposite happened. I had to believe it with all my heart and know it was coming, to see it. Period.